I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. -2 Timothy 4:7
I sent this on Friday, to the wrong Google Group (sent to Denver RnR 2016 trainees...WHOOPS). That's how tired I am. I *think* everyone on this list is good to go now in TP. If not, speak NOW. I won't get a chance to make any more adjustments until I'm back from Pittsburgh and have 1. digested my own race and 2. dug myself out of what I'm sure will be a gigantic email sinkhole.
I’m tired.
I’m SO tired.
I’m so tired I don’t want to run.
For me, that is unfathomably tired. I always want to run.
April 2016 I started training for a race that ended in a DNF. I jumped out of the race before I cashed in my training, recovered, then pressed on till Philadelphia 5 months later. That’s 8 months of consistent training, way more than I usually recommend towards a singular goal. And the wind still stole 8 minutes from me that day.
Had the race gone according to plan, I wouldn’t be training right now. I’d be pregnant with the fourth baby we’ve been planning. This will likely be my final pregnancy and I want to enjoy it; I don't want to be in a hurry to get back to my former body. After careful consideration, we decided to press on 11 more weeks to LA in March.
Had my SI joint stayed in place, I would have run LA and would be pregnant right now. I spent February rehabbing my back and after careful consideration, we decided to press forward 11 more weeks to Pittsburgh.
The day of reckoning is finally here, and all I feel is tired.
My clients often complain about being burned out on 20-week plans, then turn around and complain that I won’t let them do #alltheraces back to back. It's purely out of love- I don't want you to feel what I'm feeling right now.
As of yesterday, I’ve been training for 55 weeks. I've been averaging 58 miles over 7 runs per week for 55 weeks. My only break in training was 2 weeks in February, 2 weeks spent mind you doing rehab exercises for ten minutes every waking hour of the day. As a result, I'm not certain that my fitness has maintained, much less improved, since Philadelphia. Neither is Alex Lanton. The only person who is confident is my coach. She says 3:35 even if the weather sucks, 3:28 if the stars align.
I’m tired. Too tired to react to those predictions. And #fuckspring
Five days from now, I'm flying to Pittsburgh where I will definitely pick up a bib for a race I may not run because #fuckspring. It could be raining. It could be sunny and 71. It could be freezing with headwinds stronger than the 30 mph winds in Philadelphia. There may be more pollen there than here, and I've had trouble getting good deep breaths this week so that could get me. The odds aren't good AND the goods are odd; that's what you get in Spring and why I never ever ever chase an A-goal in Spring.
All of this tired may be for nothing. There is a very real possibility I may come back to Denver with nothing to show for the past 5 months other than broken relationships with friends and clients who got tired of waiting for their turn.
I miss my babies. April and May are the two least predictable months of the Denver year. Last year, it snowed every single weekend in March and April, so instead of running I got lots of cuddle time on the couch with my babies. I did the minimum to keep my fitness, logged miles on the treadmill, and went with the flow.
All of this work, all of this time away from my babies, all of this tired, for a race that I may not even be able to run at all much less run better than last time. It's maddening. It's humbling. It is what it is, and I am what I am. Right now, I'm done.
I've fought the good fight. I've bounced back and held my head up. I've measured my food and done my PT exercises and and gotten massages and spent more hours than I care to admit trying to keep this body together while I do things I would never ask my clients to do during a time of year that I hate. I want my pee to be any color other than pink (from beets). I want to have a glass of wine with my husband. I want to eat nachos with reckless abandon. I want those 8 minutes back, but I want 4baby more. No matter what happens on May 7th, I'm taking a break from training.
(But I really hope I get those 8 minutes back. I know I will eventually, but I want them NOW)
Am updating Training Peaks for everyone over the weekend. I will not be contactable from May 4-8 if things go well. If things go badly...I might need another day or two to wrap my head around the fact that I won't be this fit again for 3 years and I'm too old to put 4baby off much longer. Please be patient and please be kind. I've had a long, long year of training, and the end is definitely, certainly, nigh. Because I'm just too tired to think about another marathon right now.