9/13/19 - There Is Enough
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What’s the difference between love and coffee beans?
It’s 6 AM and thankfully there is enough love to go around!
Hi! This is Coach Sarah, and this is the Morning Mantra!
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Hi, my name is Sarah Axelrod. I'm a run coach and a lover of poetry, and a person who cares about your well-being. You don't have to be an athlete to be #coachedandloved, and if you need an anchor to hold onto as you move through a tough situation, you've come to the right place.
Today’s mantra is: there is enough.
Recently my husband overheard me getting off the phone with Coach MK and saying “yep, love you too, bye.” He looked at me and said, “you guys say I love you on the phone?” And I laughed at him, because of course we do, was that really so strange? I mean, have you met us?
I say “I love you” a lot, to a lot of people. My husband and my daughter. Coach MK. My friends. My brother. The people I coach in the Fitness Protection Program. I have heard people say that if you somehow say “I love you” too much, it loses its meaning, but I guarantee you that if I have ever said “I love you” to you, whether aloud or in written form, I MEAN IT. I mean it every time.
I remember a time when I was much younger, when my husband was my boyfriend and some of my very closest female friends were having a pretty hard time with him. He’ll be the first to admit that he was not yet his best self at the age of 19, and he didn’t have quite the way with people that he now works hard to cultivate. But it wasn’t just him - there was a tensing that seemed to happen among my friends when my feelings started to seem serious. We got married young, and that didn’t fix everything. But I didn’t really get where the hostility was coming from until one day when I was having a screaming fight on the phone with my oldest friend, who was angry and hurt at the feeling that I wasn’t prioritizing our friendship enough. I don’t remember the details of the thing that had set her off, but it was one too many times where she felt like I had chosen my husband and not her. I ached for her, but I also resented the jealousy and the assumption of bad faith on my part. The only thing I found within me to say was, “I don’t know how to make you believe this, but it is possible for me to love you both. I have enough room for you both. There is enough love.”
I don’t know if she believed me in the moment, but more than a decade later we are still friends because at some point she decided to believe me. We would not still be friends if that had continued, I feel pretty certain. The pressure of having to constantly reassure someone that they were, in fact, loved, when they refused to take my word for it was crushing. ANd yet at the same time I could so relate to the panic that comes from the feeling of being unloved. I hated the thought that anyone, EVER, felt unloved by me. Until the age of 13 I slept with 15-20 stuffed animals ALL IN MY TWIN BED WITH ME because I feared their feeling cast aside or loved less if I put them in a closet. On their behalf, I could not bear it.
I would not be doing what I do now if I did not have it in me to love many, many people at one time. Hundreds of people, in fact. I want you to know that when I tell you I love you - on the phone, in a Facebook group, to your face - I mean the hell out of it. I see you and I see what is in your heart; in many cases I have been where you are, or I am where you are, or I will be where you are. And I see your generosity towards others and I see how hard you work and I see the beautiful things you do, and I love you endlessly.
Whether you need to be reassured of this, or whether you are asked all the time to reassure others, this mantra is for you. There is enough love. You have enough love for all the people in your life who are worthy of it. The love you show is enough. Demonstrating it all the time can be tiring - I know this, too. Sometimes, the people closest to you and depending on you need more than you can give and that does not mean you are not enough. It’s okay not to be okay - it’s okay to need more than someone can give, and it’s okay for that someone to say “this is my limit. I do not love you any less for having limits, but this is my limit.” I used to think that in order to really love someone I had to let them take whatever they needed in order to PROVE that I had enough love for them. It is possible to set limits - to preserve yourself - and still love someone as much as it is possible to love them. It is possible to set limits and still have your love be enough.
If you are the one who needs to be reminded that you are loved and that there is enough love for you, it’s okay to ask for that, too. It’s always okay, as long as you can hear the truth in the response when the response is that there is enough. Hear me now. If I have ever told you I love you, I love you. And no matter how many people I tell it to, there will never be any less for you.
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You are Coached. You are Loooved, and you ARE winning at life. And if you need MOAR reasons to believe that, follow @morningmantrapod on Instagram.