2/18/20: NO. Just...NO.
If you are on Instagram, check out @coachmkfleming on IGTV. On Valentine’s Day I shared a video of a cognitive behavior therapy exercise, the first one I ever learned 15 years ago, which I still practice today. Now, It’s always better to do these things with the help of a therapist, but if that isn’t available to you, feel free to try some of the things I do. This was my first step towards better, and it’s one I hope everyone will be willing and able to take.
The Morning Mantra is available on iTunes, Overcast, Stitcher, Youtube, Soundcloud, Spotify, Youtube and pretty much anywhere podcasts can be found. Transcripts forthcoming on the blog at www.coachedandloved.com
Remember This: You don’t have to rebuild relationships with anyone. Ever. Not the people you’ve hurt, not the people who have hurt you, not your family members, you do not owe anyone anything.
Hi! This is Coach MK, and THIS is The Morning Mantra.
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Hi, my name is MK Fleming. I'm a run coach based in Denver, Colorado. But this isn't a podcast about running, exactly. Don't tell my clients, but *whispers* we're never really talking about the running. When you know a crap-tastic event is coming it helps to have a mantra to keep you centered and focused as you move through it. You don't have to be an athlete to be hashtag #coachedandloved by coach MK. And if you are here, then you are hashtag #winningatlife.
Today's Mantra Is: And...NOPE!
So, it’s a long weekend and one kid has pinkeye and the other has the flu and I’ve watched Frozen II exactly 12 times since Friday morning. That includes three showings today. And all the bonus features and deleted scenes. At some point I’m going to switch it to the Spanish version and hope they lose interest.
Why? Because it’s really hard to tell them no. Not for reasons you may guess.
I have mentioned before that I was raised to be a people-pleaser. Saying, “no” is about the most not-pleasing thing I could possibly do, and there was real danger in doing it. Saying yes, even to things I hated or didn’t want, was more comfortable and easier for me than saying no and attempting to enforce it.
Are you cringing yet? Yeah.
“Just say no” is a really stupid slogan. It does a disservice to our kids because it fails to acknowledge how many of us face real consequences for saying no, how many of us will need real help backing it up. Words are easily ignored, especially when a person in power doesn’t want to hear them.
Today’s is not a rah-rah- mantra, sorry! Those will come! I’m looking at the mantrapod inbox and am seeing that a lot of people are hurting right now, between Quitter’s Day and Valentine’s Day, this time of year can be a real punch in the gut, especially coming after the holidays.
Which is the real opportunity here. Are you done yet? Are you hurt, hurting and fed up, even a little bit? GOOD. this is a great time to just say no. Don’t take stock, don’t think- just say NO. NO I don’t want to volunteer for the bake sale. NO I cannot help with the church bazaar. NO I’m not fundraising this year, sorry kids there’s the phone you got this. NO I don’t want to hear about the flowers your new boyfriend bought you, because I didn’t get any and you know this. NO I don’t want to hear how lonely you were this weekend because I was too and i need to get through today. NO. JUST NO.
No is freeing, It helps us break the ties that bind us to shit that isn’t serving us. And people pleasers like me will frequently need to hit rock bottom before NO is easier than yes. BY the way- saying ‘no’ isn’t failing. Saying ‘yes’ when you don’t want to, is failing yourself.
SO, the mantra: The next thing you really don’t have room for: don’t make excuses. DOn’t explain. Just say, “NO. Just NO.” add PLEASE if you really have to or can’t get away, then make space for yourself. Turn your phone off. Take a breath. Take a bath. Start finding ways to say yes to you, and before you know it, your no’s will stand on their own.
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You are Coached. You are Loooved, and you ARE winning at life. And you're definitely winning at life if you subscribe to my Nuzzel Newsletter, follow me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram. feel free to do all three!