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3/11/20: They're Out There (The Love Mantra)

Mary-Katherine Fleming Alex Fleming Wedding photo 2009 Telluride Love Mantra

When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome. But shit happens!

Hi! I’m Coach ____ and This is The Morning Mantra.

*cue intro music*

Hi, my name is MK Fleming. I'm a run coach based in Denver, Colorado. But this isn't a podcast about running, exactly. Don't tell my clients, but *whispers* we're never really talking about the running. When you know a crap-tastic event is coming it helps to have a mantra to keep you centered and focused as you move through it. You don't have to be an athlete to be hashtag #coachedandloved by coach MK. And if you are here, then you are hashtag #winningatlife.

*music ends*

Today’s Mantra is: They’re Out There

Today is my 9th wedding anniversary. NINE YEARS. Now, to some of you, I’m sure that sounds like nothing. To others, that’s unimaginable. The only thing I’ve been doing for 9 years or longer, is running.

I tell my new runners to be careful with advice- just because someone has been running for 10, 15, 20 years doesn’t mean they know what they are doing. I meet dummies all the time who speak with confidence, some even know the advice they are giving is crappy and doesn’t work but it’s the answer they know and have heard a million times, they don’t actually understand what they are doing or why something works for one person but not for another. That requires deeper thought than most people want to do.

I tell you that to tell you this: I’m not qualified to give anyone advice about marriage. I’m not sure any of the things I did would work for anyone else. I mean, would YOU recommend telling someone on the second date that you wanted to get married and if they weren’t on the same page in 6 months we should both move on? *shrug* it worked for me. If that statement was too direct, hell if they were gonna last in my orbit.

What I can do is tell you why that worked: I knew what I wanted when I said it. I only said it to one person, it wasn’t a ‘strategy’ that had weeded out all but one survivor. My personality already does that.

So if you are listening to this because you heard the breakup mantra on Monday, what I can offer you is this: you are worthy, and there is hope. Your mantra is, ‘they are out there’, and they are. It’s true. But first, you gotta take some time to know what you’re working with. It took ten years of therapy to be able to speak so boldly on my second date with Alex, ten years for overnight success to happen, followed by five years of WORK to get to a good, stable place IN this marriage. So, another way of looking at this would be to say: 15 years of WORK for 4 really good years of partnership. When you say it THAT way, sure it sounds REALLY unsexy. But it also sounds a lot less like a fairy tale that requires magic, and a lot more likely to happen for you.

All you need to get here are two things: 1. a belief that you are worth it, I had to cultivate that belief in therapy you guys, and 2. hope. I can’t make you believe it, but I can give you hope. If I, as broken as I was, could be here saying any of this with a straight face, and you truly do not know how low my lows have been because I share a lot but I don’t share that, then trust when I say it CAN happen for you.

So, the Mantra: during your next pity party, no judgment I used to indulge those thoughts, too, I want you to hear my voice in the back of your head reassuring you: They’re out there. But until you know what your puzzle piece looks like, you’re gonna have a hard time finding a good fit. Let’s take some time to look inside before we find other ways to look around.

*cue outro music*

You are Coached. You are Loooved, and you ARE winning at life. And you're definitely winning at life if you subscribe to my Nuzzel Newsletter, follow me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram. feel free to do all three!

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