6/22/19: Not Today, Satan
So Instagram is AMAZING. I have three accounts- one for MK, the family-having person who works as a coach (@coachmkfleming), one for this podcast and what I think of as my personal brand, @morningmantrapod; and the business profile for Fitness Protection, (@fitnessprotectionllc).
If you follow all three, you will notice that I've taken what looks like a hard left turn recently. It's a turn I've been wanting to take for YEARS, a turn that's been a long time coming. When it comes to #coachedandloved and what that is and what that means, it's really like this podcast- a warm hug and validation, followed by assurance and resilience, followed by a gigantic can of whoop-ass to empower you in facing the outside world.
That hard left turn I've been taking- I'm working on a bigger can of whoop-ass. One that will serve a larger group of people. The further I look away from 'my core demographic' to see where else I could be effective, the more I realize how we are all the same. Specifically, we all have similar scars and skid marks on our faces on souls from 'diet culture'- the lie that everyone is ten pounds away from a better life, the notion that more work is more better and less weight is more better and right now YOU are a before picture JUST FOCUS ON YOUR BEST YOU! *vomit sounds*
I'm so tired. I'm so tired of discussing reactions and coping mechanisms without a discussion of the very real pressures we all face. We are not broken. We are responding to the world we live in, to all the ugly things that happen in this world, using the tools we have, and few of us were given tools of true resistance. We minimized the pressure and when that failed we minimized ourselves. We shrank it away, we drank it away, we tried...and if we still feel pressure that means we failed. We were set up for failure from the get go. It's not you! It was never you.
You are a beacon of light in this very dark World. I'm truly sorry no one told you sooner. You are whole, you are amazing, you are kind you are gracious you are SO easy to coach and even easier to love. You are whole. You work. Maybe you have PTSD, maybe you have disordered eating habits or a full-blown eating disorder, maybe you have OCD, whatever it is- with that diagnosis comes shame. And that shame is BULLSHIT. That diagnosis started in childhood as a coping mechanism. That diagnosis means you survived some SHIT. That diagnosis does NOT make you less whole or less functional. It saved you. Judging you for it, shaming you for it- that's as stupid as using a woman for having Daddy Issues instead of going after the Daddy in question, the Daddy who caused the issues, the Daddy who traumatized a little person he was responsible for. Needing therapy doesn't make you weak. It means you were tougher than whatever life threw at you. It means you are healing yourself. It's survival, and that is the ultimate act of resistance, the final fuck you. Therapy is self-care, and until healthcare is truly universal AND includes mental health, I'll be here making mantras to get you through. I see you. I see the pressure you face, and I could not be prouder to be associated with you. I may be tired, but I will never be tired of YOU.
SO! The mantra. In those moments when you can only see your flaws, when you look at your body or your face or your life and see problems to solve and things to fix, I want you to hear my voice in the back of your head, SCREAMING NOT TODAY SATAN!!!!!!!!! We are going to spend the coming weeks learning tools of resistance, laying a foundation for self-acceptance, then self-love.
Trauma can be passed down from parent to child, and healing can, too. I look at the beautiful man who planned this entire vacation I'm taking this week and KNOW that healing is possible as well as contagious. It's how abig can of whoop-ass gets built. It starts with catching yourself in moments of self-doubt and saying NO instead of well and GET BEHIND ME SATAN instead of trying harder or creating more rules to keep yourself in line. It starts with allowing yourself to be coachedandloved, with me wiping those skid marks off your soul, and ends with you seeing that you've been winning at life all along. NOT TODAY SATAN, take those doubts home. WE GOT THIS.