Introducing: Big Momma
My great-grandmother was larger than life. That isn't a euphamism, we called her Big Momma because she was gigantic and hard to move. She smoked cigars, drank whiskey straight, and would barely pause to breathe while she told us how ungrateful we were for the good food her labor provided while simultaneously consuming the leftover fat and gristle right off of our plates. Every New Year's Eve we butchered a hog and every year she insisted on chasing it down herself. Had she been born in the 80s, I think Big Momma would've been a Crossfitter.
She was cold and efficient. A child of the Great Depression, she thought little of her grandchildren's interest in the business aspects of the family Stockyard. She believed in hard work and dared everyone to outlast her every single day until her death at 98. I cannot say I was fond of her so much as I feared, admired, and respected her. It's not that she was hard to love, she just wasn't cuddly and didn't beg for hugs and kisses the way her daughter, my Grandmother, did. I wasn't sure what to say to her but I knew what she expected of me and how to behave around her, and looking back that's a fair standard to set. You knew exactly what you were getting with Big Momma and she didn't care if you came or left as long as you were worth your while. Hattie Mae Goodman did not mess around.
I keep coming back to those adjectives, cold and efficient. So this morning when I purchased my new foam roller from DenCol Supply Company, I knew exactly what I wanted to name it.
I would like to introduce you to Big Momma. You won't see her at the track, she is gigantic and hard to move. But she is cold and efficient and if you ever stop by my house I'll be happy to introduce you.
Just know what's expected of you if you do, Big Momma don't mess around.